The last few years have been pretty rough for me. Some of the bad things that happened in the last year alone:
- I left behind by a lot of my family due to lack of support of being transgender.
- I discovered that people I trusted were not looking out for me the way I thought.
- I left a job I thought I never thought I would have to leave.
It wasn’t all bad though. The light at the end of the tunnel was there.
- I found my partner, Violet, and married her. Now I’ve got her amazing family too!
- I became surrounded with a wonderful group of great people that support me far more than I ever had before.
- My new job gives me a better sense of purpose and supports me a lot better.
Yet, this isn’t about what happened specifically, but more about a the key thing I’ve discovered: kindness is the key ingredient.
What I most look for in a friend is kindness. If they don’t have it, they probably aren’t for me. Kindness is important to me because it’s a key indicator of whether someone has a sense of doing things that may not always benefit them.
Some questions to ask are:
- Will you sacrifice your own feelings for others?
- Will you go the extra mile to make someone’s day better?
- Are you okay with some temporary un-comfortableness if it means that the other person will benefit?
- Are you willing to do these things for reasons that don’t benefit you?
I’ll never forget this thing my stepfather said to me. He would tip the grocery store checkout person every time. And he told me: “I bet the next time they see us, they will treat us extremely well.” It always struck a nerve with me that he’s doing it for the wrong reasons! You should tip them because they deserve it, not because the outcome is desirable for you!
That’s the key to kindness. Do things because they are right, not because they benefit you.
If you live by that platitude, you will naturally serve others around you in positive ways.